Dealing with Grief
Many of us have grieved over the loss of a loved one, whether it’s family, friends or our dogs we grieve their passing. Today I want to talk about grieving over the loss of our beloved dogs, it’s a little tough and a bit sad, but I think it’s important for all of us to understand that our grieving process is OUR grieving process and there is no right or wrong when it comes to grieving.
As you probably know my sweet girl Lucy passed away March 16, 2020. What you may not know is that Bella, my little Chihuahua that I had since she was six weeks old passed 77 days before Lucy on December 30, 2019. Bella was "my" first dog and she had been through so much with me, when she passed my heart was so broken I couldn't speak her name, and everyone was forbidden to say her name. After Lucy passed I was inconsolable, my grief was just terrible. Bella and Lucy had required a lot of care the last years of their life, Lucy with her diabetes and then kidney failure and Bella with collapsed trachea, COPD then later dementia.
I slowly got through the grief, I felt every emotion associated with grief; utter sadness, anger and guilt that I didn't do enough for my girls. I know that I did everything possible for them but there were those nagging negative thoughts that popped in my head ever so often.
How did I combat those negative feelings? I allowed myself to think about them for a brief period then I stopped myself and went over a mental checklist of all the things I actually did. This really helped put everything into perspective.
I didn't do enough...
I did everything humanly possible. I tested blood glucose levels consistently, gave insulin, made homemade food, weighed food, gave medications on schedule, tested urine, supplemented for their illnesses, got up umpteen times during the night to check on them, followed Bella through the house when she developed dementia... One night she had to get up to pee and drink water about every 5-10 minutes, this went on for hours. Nothing I did could've changed her mind, so I followed her and when she got lost in a corner I carried her back to bed.
Soul crushing sadness...
I went through deep sadness, time was painful. Minutes were painful and I told myself I just needed to get through the next five minutes, this was on repeat in my head. I was lost every morning I woke up; we had been on a strict 7 am and 7 pm feeding/insulin/medications schedule for 4.5 years. One morning I heard Lucy walking around, but Lucy was gone, I just broke down and wept.
It did get better, but it took a lot of time for me to feel just a little bit better. I didn't think I would ever fully heal; we were all grieving but I felt like I lost my purpose and wasn't even sure I would be able to continue to help other diabetic dog parents. So I pushed myself, I jumped back into our Facebook group Diabetic Dog Owners and I stepped back from certain posts when I needed to. Then I REALLY realized that helping others was Lucy's legacy. I had to continue supporting others because their dogs should have the same chance that Lucy had. Lucy lived for 4.5 years because of what I learned and because of great diabetes management.
As time went on, I was able to look at Bella and Lucy’s pictures and videos. I went from crying every time I looked at them to eventually being able to smile and even laugh. And in time I was able to share memories of the girls with friends.
The thought of adding another dog to the family was unbearable for me. We argued about it, I cried about it and could not even consider it for a year and a half. I worked on this quietly and was at the point where I could imagine getting another pup for Frank to play with when unexpectedly, Scott was contacted about a little rescue dog that needed a home where humans could pay a lot of attention to her. He showed me her picture, and I said, “go ahead and set up a play date.” I immediately broke down crying, but we kept the play date. The morning of the play date, October 16, I broke down and cried. While Honey was here I called her Lucy and broke down and cried. Honey spent the day with us and at around 6 pm, I called her into the kitchen and sat down on the floor to brush her. She laid down and almost fell asleep while I was brushing her and BOOM, I fell in love with her right then and there. It became apparent that this was her forever home but I didn’t like her name so we changed it to Hannah, which she immediately took to!
A couple of odd things! She is a Chihuahua and terrier mix; I believe she is a Jack Russell terrier…Bella was a Chihuahua and Lucy was a Jack Russell Terrier. She is a stalker and follows me EVERYWHERE just like Lucy did. She got into the bathroom trash and pulled out a cotton swab, just like Bella used to do. Lucy passed on the 16 th, and we got Hannah on the 16th. I believe that Hannah was a gift to us and is a perfect mix of Bella and Lucy, she is the sweetest little thing and has won Frank’s heart and he is playing once again!
The grief we have when our dogs pass is no different than losing a beloved human and I was lucky enough that my circle of friends and family understood that I was grieving and supported me. I never heard “she was just a dog” because everyone knew that my girls were not just dogs, they were and always will be my family.
Being a caregiver with such a tight schedule that changes our routines and lives is another huge factor with the grieving process. We give up a lot to care for our diabetic dogs, and when we don’t have these schedules anymore it is hard to adjust to life of no diabetes.
Please be kind to yourself and give yourself all the time that you require, there is no time limit to our grief. Reach out to likeminded people who will understand and support you. When your heart is ready, accept another pup into your life…you won’t regret it, you are not replacing your beloved dog, you are giving another dog a shot at a wonderful life!
Until next week stay comfy and caffeinated!
If you have any questions, comments or suggestions, please start a conversation below.
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